Empty Arms Western Massachusetts

January/February Announcements

2012-01-21T07:49:00.000-08:00

The snow is falling and winter is truly upon us. Somehow the snow can seem to brighten the darkness of this season, but winter is a long, cold season in New England and can make life seem even more difficult for those who are grieving. Please mark your calendars for our meetings for the next two months:

Regular Bereavement Meetings: January 25th and February 22nd, 7-9 PM, Conference Room D. . Open to all, no RSVP required.

Subsequent Choices Meeting: February 8th, CBC conference Room, 7:30 PM (please let me know if you plan to attend this one)

Parenting After Loss meeting: Erika will post on our Facebook site. Please let her know if you would like to attend (ehenyey@gmail.com) and she will email you with time/date notifications. This is generally on a Sunday morning and meets in a home environment.

And... I am very glad to announce that we have a new, fourth meeting.

Miscarriage Support Group will be meeting on Wednesday, February 8th from 7-9 PM in Conference Room D.

While folks who have had losses earlier in pregnancy have been-- and still are-- welcome at the regular bereavement meeting, over the years we've realized a true need for a meeting specific to this type of pregnancy loss. We have a wonderful new MotherWoman trained facilitator, Kelly Coffey, who suffered two miscarriages herself and is taking the reigns to start this new group. We welcome you to come if this is your experience, and we also encourage you to PLEASE let your friends and neighbors know about this new Empty Arms group.

DECEMBER MEETINGS

2011-12-01T11:52:00.000-08:00

Subsequent Choices: Wed. December 14th, e-mail Carol for details (carolmcmurrich@comcast.net) .

Parenting After Loss-- Sunday, December 11, 10-12 AM, email Erika for details (ehenyey@gmail.com)

Regular Bereavement meeting-- Wednesday, December 21, CDH conf. room D, 7 PM.

2011-11-11T17:32:00.001-08:00

Here is the link to the November/December Share Newsletter.

Hope to see you on the 30th.

A few announcements

2011-10-27T09:52:00.001-07:00

The meeting dates for November and December are NOT on the 4th Wednesday, because of Thanksgiving and Christmas. We will hold the November meeting on the 30th of November which is the 5th and last Wednesday of the month. Then the December one will be held a week early on the 21st of December, which is the third Wednesday. Please mark your calendars for those dates.

Next week, Dee Ledger's church, the Southampton Congregational Church, will be holding a service on Nov. 1st at 7 PM for All Saints Day to remember all those who have died in the previous year. It is open to all, and she invites anybody who would like to participate in this service to come.

October 15th

2011-10-04T18:44:00.001-07:00

As many of you may know, October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance day. On this day, we are asked to light a candle from 7-8 PM, thus participating in the worldwide wave of light that will travel across the globe as people everywhere take time to remember the precious lives they had hoped to share.

This year, we at Empty Arms thought we would hold a vigil together at the Angel of Hope Statue in Easthampton. Our plan is to meet there just before 7 PM and light the candles together for the hour. This would be a family event so siblings and other interested family members would be invited.

Please send me an e-mail if this sounds interesting to you (carolmcmurrich@comcast.net). We welcome some ideas of what you could envision doing during the one hour vigil-- a poem to read, sharing names, stories, a song?

I would like to have a general idea of who thinks they might be interested in attending by the 10th of October so that I can think about the program for that evening as well as determining whether it will be possible to have another venue in the case of rain.

Thanks!

Carol

Nicky D's Race

2011-09-06T10:29:00.001-07:00

And a reminder to mark your calendar for the Nicky D's race... we are so fortunate to have somebody willing to do this for us!

2011-09-06T10:23:00.000-07:00

Fall is upon us.... here is the link to the September/October Sharing Newsletter from our national organization, Share.

Each fall, I always like to send out a little all-call encouraging people to consider attending meetings, even if you haven't in a while. Sometimes September, even if we aren't involved in an academic setting anymore, can feel like a time of new beginnings. Coming to support meetings gives you a little breathing room to spend time working through your loss, and every presence in the room also provides support for somebody else.

On the topic of coming to meetings, I should address that it is my current intention to resume my cherished role as lead facilitator for the October meeting. Originally I had been hoping to return in August, but as the weeks led up to that meeting it became readily apparent that neither our new baby nor I were prepared for that time apart. I am hoping that by October things will be more predictable allowing me to leave for the three hours necessary to lead a meeting. I look forward to coming back and meeting the new families and to having my own time to be Charlotte's mother.

Fall 5k will Benefit Empty Arms: Thanks Nicky D's!

2011-07-22T11:40:00.000-07:00

The Empty Arms Group has had an amazing offer. Each fall, Nicky D's, a car dealer in Easthampton, holds a 5K run/walk to benefit a local charity. When Jean Monska's mom, Linda, was asking people for donations for the Addison Eva Monska Softball Tournament, she approached Betty Duprey at Nicky D's. Betty surprised her by saying that, rather than make a small donation to the tournament, she would consider giving the proceeds from this fall's race to Empty Arms.

After reading more about our organization, Betty decided for certain that we will be the beneficiary of their fundraiser this fall! We couldn't be luckier than to have this local business choose us to receive the benefits of their event, which will be held the morning of September 18 in Nonotuck Park.

Now our job is to recruit people to participate. The cost to enter is just $15 and everyone who runs or walks will get a free T-shirt. All ages are invited, and it should be a wonderful way to spend a fall morning with friends and family. To sign up, download an entry form here. There's also a link to the form on the sidebar of this page and on our Facebook page. We encourage you to please share these links with friends, family, and your Facebook crowd. Please help us to make this opportunity a huge success for everyone!

Parenting After Loss

2011-07-19T17:55:00.000-07:00

Erika will be offering her monthly Parenting After Loss meeting tomorrow evening, Wednesday, July 20th. Please contact her at ehenyey@gmail.com if you are interested in attending.

Summer Bereavement Meetings

2011-07-08T16:58:00.000-07:00

There will be two changes to our summer meetings.

The July meeting, which will be held on Wednesday, July 27th at 7 PM in Conference Room D, will be facilitated by Karen Bayne. Karen is a good friend of mine who has been involved in Empty Arms "behind the scenes". She has suffered two losses herself, and is a trained MotherWoman facilitator. Karen is very happy to be able to provide her presence at our meeting and I know you'll enjoy her presence at the meeting. Karen is also the sister of our own Jenni Haley, whom many of you already know.

In August, I will be changing the date of the meeting to the fifth Wednesday of the month, August 31st. Please mark this change on your calendar. I am making this change because we will still be on vacation until the 4th Wednesday.

I will be looking for a volunteer who would be willing to come to CDH on the 4th Wednesday from 6:45-7:15 PM to be in Conference Room D just in case somebody shows up to the meeting who has not seen this bulletin. It is rare that somebody attends who has not contacted me first or been to our website, but I would never want somebody to show up and find nobody there. The role of the person waiting in the room would simply be to introduce him/herself, explain that this month's meeting has been postponed, have a short conversation and then depart. If you are available and/or willing to do this, please let me know as soon as you can.

Subsequent Choices Meeting this Wednesday

2011-07-08T16:57:00.000-07:00

This Wednesday, the 13th of July, we will hold our Subsequent Choices meeting from 7-8:30 PM in the Childbirth Center Conference Room. Please contact me ASAP via e-mail (carolmcmurrich@comcast.net) if you plan to attend. Sometimes in the summer months attendance is slim and we either postpone, cancel, or create an alternate plan. So definitely RSVP if you plan to come!

July/August Sharing Newsletter

2011-07-07T06:16:00.000-07:00

Here is the link to this month's newsletter. The topic is parenting after loss, which is clearly not pertinent to everyone, but offers food for thought in any case.

2011-07-05T14:48:00.000-07:00

Here is the link to the video that Cooley Dickinson Hospital made which played at the New England Association Directors Healthcare Volunteer Services conference on May 20th. Apparently there was "not a dry eye in the house". I thought some of you might be interested in viewing it.

Round two....

2011-07-03T17:10:00.001-07:00

Jean's tournament was cancelled due to rain last time around... so now you've got another chance to get a team together or just go and hang out and enjoy the fun...

Please join us for the 3^rd annual Addison Eva Monska Memorial One-Pitch Softball Tournament
to benefit the Empty Arms Support Group.

When: Saturday, July 30, 2011.
Registration begins Saturday at 8:00 am. Games start at 8:30 am.

Where: Nonotuck Park, Easthampton

Who: Teams of 10 with at least 4 female players.
Adults & kids 16+ welcome.

Entrance Fee: $150/team | Prizes: 1^st and 2^nd place trophies

All proceeds from the tournament will benefit the work of Empty Arms Bereavement Support. Empty Arms provides support meetings at Cooley Dickinson Hospital for parents who have lost a child/children during pregnancy, birth, or early infancy. They also use donations to purchase books for grieving parents and to send medical professionals to trainings on how to provide better, more compassionate care for parents who lose a child.

To register your team for the tournament, or if you would like more information, please contact Jean Monska by Saturday July 16th.

Addison Eva Monska Memorial Softball Tournament

c/o Jean Monska

788 Ryan Road

Florence, MA 01062

Phone: 413-563-2165

Email: jeanmonska@verizon.net

You can show your support even if you don’t play softball:

Donate food or drinks to be sold at the tournament.
Make a monetary gift – donations will be accepted during the tournament.
Invite your friends and family to participate in this special day.

***Food and cold drinks will be for sale during the tournament. ***

Subsequent Choices Meeting this Wednesday

2011-06-06T18:33:00.001-07:00

This Wednesday we will hold our Subsequent Choices meeting in the Childbirth Center Conference Room at Cooley Dickinson. We will meet from 7-9 PM. This meeting is open to anyone wanting to delve into the conversation of pregnancy or adoption after loss-- those who are currently expanding their families as well as those just considering the prospect. Please RSVP to Carol at carolmcmurrich@comcast.net if you plan to attend so we can have a sense of who will be there. This month's meeting will be facilitated by Erika Parker.

Remembering Addison & Supporting Empty Arms

2011-05-16T11:01:00.000-07:00

Please join us for the 3rd annual Addison Eva Monska Memorial One-Pitch Softball. This fundraiser has been organized by Addison's parents to honor her memory and to support other families who have lost a beloved baby.

When: Saturday, June 11 & Sunday, June 12, 2011. Registration begins Saturday at 8:30am. Games start at 9am.
Where: Nonotuck Park, Easthampton
Who: Teams of 10 with at least 4 female players. Adults & kids 16+ welcome.
Entrance Fee: $150/team
Prizes: 1st and 2nd place trophies

All proceeds from the tournament will benefit the work of Empty Arms Bereavement Support. To register your team for the tournament, or if you would like more information, please contact Jean Monska by Saturday May 14th. (Note: EXTENDED to MAY 28th.):

Addison Eva Monska Memorial Softball Tournament
c/o Jean Monska
788 Ryan Road
Florence, MA 01062
Phone: 413-563-2165
Email: jeanmonska@verizon.net

You can show your support even if you don’t play softball:
• Donate food or drinks to be sold at the tournament.
• Make a monetary gift – donations to Empty Arms Bereavement Support will be accepted during the tournament.
• Invite your friends and family to participate in this special day.
• Download a flyer and help spread the word: click here!

Our Award

2011-05-10T17:08:00.000-07:00

It is my pleasure and pride to announce that Empty Arms has won an award. Our program was nominated for and selected to win the President's Award for Outstanding Program Development from the New England Association Directors Healthcare Volunteer Services (whew!). The award seeks to recognize programs that go above and beyond to fill spaces of great need within hospitals and communities. There will be an awards ceremony in Providence, Rhode Island on the 25th of May, and while I will be unable to attend the ceremony they have made a short film of me talking about our program which will be shown during the presentation.

I am so passionate about this program, and I am so proud that we have been awarded this honor. Extra thanks go out to Jenn Joyner who wrote a beautiful letter of support touting the work that Empty Arms has done in the Childbirth Center at Cooley Dickinson.

Yay, all of us... I'm glad we have each other.

Children in Our Hearts Walk This Saturday

2011-05-04T05:19:00.000-07:00

Our Memorial Walk is this Saturday, May 7. We will meet at the Duck Brook Shelter in Look Park. Registration starts at 11am, and the walk begins at 11:30am, to be followed by a picnic lunch. Your friends, family, and supporters are all invited to walk with us--we are looking forward to a great turnout and community time together! Please follow this link for all the details.

* * * *

Quick events update for rest of May:

Wednesday, May 11 - Our monthly Subsequent Choices group meets. Please contact Carol for time and location (carolmcmurrich@comcast.net).

Saturday, May 14 - Pre-registration deadline for the Third Annual Addison Eva Monska One-Pitch Softball Tournament. Contact Jean (jeanmonska@verizon.net).

Wednesday, May 18 - Our Parenting After Loss group begins! 6pm-8pm at Forbes Library, Northampton. RSVP to Erika (ehenyey@gmail.com).

Wednesday, May 25 - Our regular bereavement support group meets.7pm-9pm at Cooley Dickinson, Conference Room D.

Share Newsletter

2011-04-28T18:03:00.000-07:00

Here you will find the link to this month's Share newsletter- Sharing and Caring. The topic is Mother's Day and Father's Day.

April Subsequent Choices Meeting

2011-04-07T16:35:00.001-07:00

The April Subsequent Choices meeting will be held one night EARLY this month on Tuesday, April 12th. If you are interested in coming please contact Carol at carolmcmurrich@comcast.net for time and location. Any bereaved parents who are considering the possibility of adding another baby to their family, as well as those who are well along in this process, are welcome to attend.

Our Busy Springtime

2011-04-03T18:13:00.000-07:00

It may still be snowing here and there, but Empty Arms is already having a busy and exciting spring. Carol recently sent out an email about the Empty Arms Walk and some new developments for the organization. Here’s a quick update on everything that’s coming up:

Remembering Together Bouquet Swap: One of our members, Jenni Haley, is hosting a craft swap as a way for mothers in the loss community to support one another on Mother’s Day. Although this project is not specific to our community—people from all over are taking part—we want to make sure you have the chance to participate. Plenty of details are on the website, and the deadline to sign up is next Sunday (April 10).

Children in Our Hearts Mother’s Day Walk: It’s that time again! Our Memorial Walk and Picnic will take place in Look Park on Saturday, May 7. Remember to share our flyer and encourage your friends and family to come out and participate in this special day. Please read this page for all the details. Most importantly, if you would like T-shirts with your baby/ies name(s), they must be ordered by April 15. Click here to download the order form.

Parenting After Loss Group: The most immediate way in which our organization is growing is that we are starting a third support group. We hope this group will provide needed support to those facing both the joys and challenges of parenting the sibling(s) of a lost baby. Please click here for a full description of the group. Our first meeting is May 18.

Third Annual Addison Eva Monska One-Pitch Softball Tournament: We’re so grateful to Jean Monska for once again holding this fundraiser to benefit Empty Arms and to honor her daughter. The tournament will take place on June 11 & 12 in Nonotuck Park. Please share the flyer with your community. If your team would like to register, please contact Jean (jeanmonska@verizon.net) by May 14.

In addition to all this, Empty Arms is in the process of expanding its umbrella and developing its own status as a non-profit organization. Through Empty Arms Bereavement Support we will continue our work at CDH, including the support groups, while also reaching out other hospitals in the Valley, providing more resources and creating more groups for families. We look forward to sharing more with you about our expanding work at the Walk & Picnic on May 7, so please join us and we’ll see you there.

Regular Bereavement Meeting this Wednesday at Cooley Dickinson

2011-03-21T08:16:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone. Just a reminder that our regular bereavement meeting is happening this Wednesday, the 23rd, from 7-9pm at CDH, in Conference Room D. Greg will be facilitating. No RSVP needed. Looking forward to spending some time together.

Subsequent Choices Meets This Week

2011-03-07T10:12:00.000-08:00

Our next Subsequent Choices meeting is this Wednesday evening, 3/9. This meeting provides support to families considering a new pregnancy - or growing their families through other means - as well as to those who are already pregnant. If you would like to attend, please contact Carol to RSVP and for the time/location.

Sharing Newsletter

2011-03-03T17:21:00.000-08:00

Share has just published the March/April Newsletter, which you can read here. The topic is Children's Wisdom. Articles touch on the grief of children born both before and after a baby has died in their family. The first article was authored by me, Carol, and is a reprint of something I had published in Exhale Magazine some years ago.

A Conversation About Loss

2011-03-03T13:00:00.000-08:00

The New York Times has just published an insightful and touching interview with Joyce Carol Oates and Meghan O'Rourke about their recently published memoirs of grief. Oates has written about the death of her husband, and O'Rourke about the death of her mother, yet both very beautifully describe the complexities of grief that most of us will find familiar. If you have some time, it is worth reading: Why We Write About Grief.

Empty Arms Group Meeting Tonight

2011-02-23T06:28:00.001-08:00

Our regular Empty Arms bereavement meeting is tonight from 7-9pm, Cooley Dickinson Hospital, Conference Room D. No RSVP necessary. We will there, and hope you can join us.

Reminder: Potential Extra Bereavement Meeting this Wednesday

2011-02-14T10:30:00.001-08:00

Hi everyone. Please remember that we are offering an additional bereavement meeting this Wednesday, 2/16. The location is still to be determined and will depend on the number of people who want to attend. If you are planning to attend this meeting, please RSVP to Carol as soon as you can, and she will let you know the location. If no one RSVPs, we won't go ahead with the meeting. Our regular bereavement meeting will still be held the last Wednesday of this month. Thank you!

Changes in February

2011-02-02T13:42:00.000-08:00

Hello Friends,

At the January meeting, I made the announcement that this spring I will be taking a brief leave as the lead facilitator of the regular bereavement group. Greg, my husband, along with a few seasoned female group members, will be taking the lead during my absence. The reason for my departure is that our family is expecting another baby this spring. I do not facilitate the regular bereavement meetings when I am visibly pregnant, as this would be too difficult for many of the group members. I realize this announcement in itself may be difficult for some, and for this I am sorry.

My heart is truly invested in this program, and it is very difficult for me to take this time away from meetings. I want to offer myself wholly as a telephone and e-mail contact during my leave, as it is my desire to remain as closely linked to everyone as they feel comfortable. My plan is to return as the lead facilitator for the August meeting.

For the month of February, there will be TWO regular bereavement meetings offered. The first will be held a week early, on the 16th of February, and this meeting will be my last as facilitator. If you plan to attend this special meeting, which would require that you feel comfortable in my presence, please e-mail me at carolmcmurrich@comcast.net. There will also be a second regular bereavement meeting on the usual night, which is the 23rd of February. This meeting will be facilitated by Erika Parker, as our family will be out of town. You are welcome to attend both meetings.

The Subsequent Choices meeting will run as usual, and should you be interested in attending, please contact me.

Thank you for your understanding, and know that I hold every one of you in my heart during my absence.

Meeting Reminder and an Important Way to Make Your Voice Heard

2011-01-25T17:10:00.000-08:00

First, a quick reminder: tomorrow, Wednesday the 26th, is our regular January Empty Arms group meeting. There might be weather: if we have to postpone the meeting (hopefully not!), we will announce it here and on Facebook.

Next, we want to pass on this information that was sent to us by the national Share office. They are asking families to consider supporting the “The Farley-Kluger Amendment to the Family Medical Leave Act of 1993 (FMLA)”. This amendment was created by Kelly Farley (of GrievingDads.com), along with a fellow bereaved father, to bring attention to the fact that the current FMLA doesn't extend benefits to employees that have experienced the death of a child. Many employers allow for bereavement leave up to 2-3 days, and employees are expected to use their available vacation time after the bereavement days have been expended. If the employee still requires additional time off, the employer has grounds to terminate the employee.

As we know all too well, the death of a child merits more than a few days of recovery, and parents should not have to feel that their employment is in jeopardy on top of everything else. The Farley-Kluger amendment proposes to include the death of a child as a protected reason to qualify for the benefits (12 weeks of unpaid leave) that are set forth in the Family Medical Leave Act of 1993. If you would like to express your support for this amendment, please sign the petition below and consider passing on the link to people you know.

Petition to Support the Farley-Kluger Amendment to the FMLA:
http://www.petition2congress.com/3937/modify-family-medical-leave-act-1993/

If you would like more information about Kelly Farley, you can find him at:
The Grieving Dads Project
(630) 561-5989
E-Mail: Kelly@GrievingDads.com
Website: www.GrievingDads.com
Blog: www.GrievingDads.wordpress.com
Facebook: "GrievingDads.com Project"
Twitter: Twitter.com/GrievingDads

Holiday Ornament Swap for Grieving Parents

2010-11-08T07:20:00.000-08:00

One of our local parents, Jenni Haley, is hosting a Holiday Ornament Swap as a way for families who are grieving losses to support one another during what is often a tough time of year. If you sign up, you will receive an ornament with your baby's name on it, and you will make and send one ornament for another grieving family. (It is a "secret Santa" style swap.)

The swap is non-denominational. (It's not just for those who celebrate Christmas, all are welcome!) Non-crafters are welcome, too--simple ornaments are fine. All the details and an easy sign-up form are at the website, Remembering Together Holiday Ornament Swap. The deadline to sign up is Monday, November 15.

This is not just a local swap--people from all over are signing up--but it's a nice project, and I wanted to make sure that those of you in our community know about it. Most of us could use some extra support as the holidays approach. If you have any questions about the swap, you can contact Jenni through the Remembering Together website.

November

2010-11-03T07:45:00.000-07:00

First, here is the link to the latest Share Newsletter. I always like to read this and the topic for this month, Surviving the Holidays, will be pertinent to many of you who are facing your first holiday season.

This month and next month, our regularly scheduled meetings will be held a week early, on the THIRD WEDNESDAY of the month, so as not to conflict with the holidays. So mark your calendars for the 17th of November and the 15th of December for our regular bereavement meetings. This time of year, as the darkness settles in and we are reminded so often to be grateful for family and friends, can be especially difficult for some.

Our subsequent choices group is running this month on November 10th. If you are wanting to talk about the possibility of welcoming another child into your family, I encourage you to attend to make space to think about this important step. These meetings take time both to honor our babies who have died and to think about what emotional and physical risks (real or simply felt) we take to move into the next stage.

If you are interested in attending this meeting please call me at 529-1610 or email me at carolmcmurrich@comcast.net for the location and time.

2010-09-01T17:28:00.000-07:00

Here is the latest Share newsletter for you to read.

Newsletter, Announcements and Walk

2010-03-30T09:07:00.001-07:00

Hello Friends,
Here is a link to the most recent Share newsletter. I will warn you that the topic of the newsletter is recurrent losses-- so you may want to think before you read! Since I had only had one loss, the idea of reading about anyone who had experienced any kind of recurrent losses was unbearable to me. However, sadly I do know that so many of us do suffer more than one loss, and so for them this is exactly what they need to be reading.

I will take this opportunity to post reminders for this month's meetings.

Wednesday, April 14 will be our Subsequent Choices meeting. I know of at least one new birth so I'd like to invite our SC alums to return to meet the newest safe arrival and talk about parenting after loss for a good portion of our meeting. Your little ones are welcome.

Wednesday, April 28 will be our regularly scheduled bereavement meeting.

Lastly, an announcement about this year's walk:
We will be holding our annual memory walk on Saturday, May 8 at 11:00 AM. The walk will be followed by a picnic. Our mailing will be going out later this week, if you would like anyone to be added to our mailing list please e-mail me asap. I am going to be looking for volunteers to post signs in their town (at the library, at your OB office, at anywhere that moms go) to advertise this event so please e-mail me if you would be willing to do this (carolmcmurrich@comcast.net) We are also going to be offering t-shirts again this year so please e-mail Jean if you would like to order a shirt (jeanmonska@verizon.net) and those orders need to be in by the 24th of April.
We also would like to ask for volunteers to bake desserts and/or bring drinks for the picnic, so you could let me know if you are willing to do this as well.

Empty Arms Group Principles

2010-01-26T16:49:00.000-08:00

Newly composed, but inspired, directed and motivated by my Mother Woman facilitator training, these will be read at the beginning of every meeting.

We know that losing a baby is an isolating and devastating experience. In our groups we support bereaved parents by naming the incredible challenges they are experiencing, knowing that this group is one of the few places where parents can speak the truth about the depth of their emotions and the details of their experience.

We believe that speaking the truth about the heartbreaking journey of losing a baby is essential. Healing comes through understanding what we have been through and what may lie ahead. By speaking about our experiences they can become integrated into who we are and allow us to move along. We celebrate breaking the silence that bereaved parents have been historically subjected to.

We believe that grief takes many forms. Emotions such as deep sadness, anger, confusion, longing, and even a sense of intermittent peace can all be normal parts of grieving. No one person grieves like another. We believe each person has the right to follow the path of grief they are most comfortable with.

We respect that each person has his or her own comfort level for sharing emotions and stories. We believe that the very act of coming to this group demonstrates each person’s commitment to their own growth and healing, whether they share a little or a lot. We believe that this extends into the greater world, where each bereaved parent should be liberated to share the pieces of their story and their child in a way that feels comfortable to them.

We believe that each one of you has the inner wisdom and courage to come out into a brighter place, without ever forgetting the baby that you lost.

FYI

2010-01-09T18:14:00.000-08:00

Somebody asked me recently if it would be allright to bring a photograph of their baby to share at the meeting. YES, YES, YES!! If there is memorabilia-- be it photographs, ultrasounds, footprints, etc. that you would like to share, please bring it with you and we welcome you to share it! Ours is an appreciative audience who understands the value of such keepsakes, so any time you'd like to bring things in, please do. If you are coming to the January meeting, consider it an official show-and-tell-- we'd love to see what you've got. And I know I am not the only one who likes to put a face to a name, when possible.

Empty Arms 2010

2010-01-09T17:40:00.000-08:00

It is a new year, one that will no doubt be filled with blessings and challenges for us all. Leaving the old year behind, for those of you who lost your babies in 2009, can sometimes feel difficult, or sometimes liberating. Whatever your feelings, time marches on, and we hope that 2010 will be a year of healing and growth for you all.

Starting at this month's meeting, which will be on January 27 at 7 PM in Conference Room D, I will resume my cherished role as facilitator of the Empty Arms Group. Some of you may know that we were lucky enough to welcome a healthy baby girl into our family on November 13. While one of the lasting effects of having lost Charlotte is that I am extremely attached to my newborns, I have also missed facilitating the group greatly, and I am looking forward to being creative about how to tear myself away from my baby for a few hours to meet with all of you again.

I am particularly excited because all fall, while I have been on leave from the group, I have been participating in a fabulous group facilitator training. I have gathered many ideas for how to shape our group meetings and I am eager to share some of my new thoughts. I hope I will see you there-- and for some you, I will be meeting you for the first time.

If you haven't come for some time, I urge you to return. There are several reasons for this. First of all, from my own personal experience, I know that I always benefit to spending a few hours a month to focus on Charlotte. Her loss will always shape my life, and to devote time to think about her without interruption is always helpful for me. Secondly, having people at different stages of their grief and loss is important! If you have some time between now and your loss, think about how different it felt in the first month-- and what things have changed since then. Do you remember how impossible it felt during that first month to imagine that things would ever change? Having people at the meeting who can speak to those changes is utmost in its importance. It is my hope that in 2010 we can up the attendence of folks whose losses are not in the immediate past, so that we are less a group of people who have just suffered a loss supporting each other and more a larger community of bereaved parents muddling through life together. I want to see the net of open arms that embrace newly bereaved families get bigger. I hope to see that happen.

So come, one and all, on January 27th. I am so looking forward to being there with you. Drop me an e-mail and let me know if I can expect you!

Share Newsletter

2010-01-09T17:22:00.000-08:00

Please enjoy this newest edition of the Share newsletter.

November

2009-11-12T13:58:00.000-08:00

First, here is a link to the Nov/Dec Sharing Newsletter. The subject is getting through the holidays without your little one, and this is something that will be on all of our minds as the days get shorter and darker and the season seems to close in. Seeing others so festive, and feeling that intimate focus on family can be so difficult for those of us who are missing our babies. Please don't hesitate to call us for support if you need advice on how to handle awkward family situations, or are wondering how to navigate the festivities that you just don't feel so festive about. We are here to help.I also want to remind you that the November and December meetings are meeting on the THIRD Wednesday of the month instead of the fourth due to the holidays. This means that next week, the 19th, will be our regularly scheduled meeting. We hope you will be able to come.I need to just offer up the possibility that Greg may not be able to attend this meeting if this ends up being the day that our new baby is born (due the 21st). If at all possible-- i.e. unless I am actually delivering-- he will be there, but there is that chance... I am working on making sure there is adequate, seasoned support available, and I hope that none of you will be deterred from coming. We all need each other so much during these dark winter days.Hang in there, and please let us know if there's anything we can do.

September

2009-09-11T15:35:00.000-07:00

The newest Share Newsletter is up and available-- read it here.
I also wanted to share the link to another organization that was helpful to me after Charlotte died-- the Perinatal Bereavement Society of Ontario. Here is their newsletter.

I have a few things that I want to share. The first is that our new group, the Subsequent Choices Group, is up and running and going great. This month we had the special treat of having our first group member (of the SC group) return with her newborn and talk a little bit about what parenting has been like. Having this group feels like a real privilege because it means we get to see some of our bereaved families carry on through into their next stage of life, where they carry their loss while parenting a new, equally loved child.

The second thing that I want to publicly announce and share is that I myself am expecting another baby. Because I am now very obviously pregnant, I am going to take a brief hiatus from attending the regular Empty Arms meetings to finish out this pregnancy and (hopefully!) settle in with our new baby. Greg will continue to lead these meetings and I have secured seasoned female group veterans to attend the groups I will miss to ensure that there are plenty of ladies voices in the room as well. I felt very sad leaving the August meeting, because running this bereavement group is one of my most cherished things that I do. I feel so attached to, and invested in, each and every family that has ever sat around the table and it makes me itchy to think that I will be sitting home while the group goes on. However, I also truly believe that it is unfair of me to attend while obviously very pregnant, and I wish to honor the feelings of the group members and so will choose to stay home.
Because I will be missing out on meetings I will be even more available and eager to offer telephone and e-mail support to anyone wishing to have an ear to listen in the coming months. I do hope you will take advantage if you're having a bad day, a hard time with a co-worker, or just need to debrief.

That being said, the next meeting will be held on the 4th Wednesday in Conference Room D, on the 23rd of September. I will send in freshly baked cookies and will be thinking of all of you. If you are new to the group, I hope you will call and introduce yourself and I will look forward to meeting you in the new year.

Share Newsletter Published

2009-07-03T07:47:00.000-07:00

Share is now publishing its newsletter online. Here is the latest version. Enjoy!

Good Read

2009-06-23T16:24:00.000-07:00

Here is a link to a newsletter, newly published by Sherokee Ilse of Babies Remembered. For those of you who don't know Sherokee, she is a well known advocate for the babyloss community for nearly 30 years, with many publications of her own.

Creative Opportunities

2009-06-20T15:46:00.000-07:00

Here are some announcements from Laura Seftel, local art therapist. Laura heads "The Secret Club Project", in which women have created art to represent their pregnancy losses. These workshops are not centered around loss specifically, but any of you who attended our May memorial workshop can attest that being creative can be a great outlet for all of the complicated feelings grief brings with it. So here are Laura's offerings for this summer:

Creativity Groups
Take time to create this summer!
Find a safe harbor to dream, play, express, and heal.
Reclaim your authentic voice and tap into the magic of the
creative process through guided hands-on explorations.
No background in art necessary!

WOMEN’S CREATIVITY GROUP
Alternate Friday mornings, 9:30-12:00
(Dates: 7/10, 7/24/ 8/7)
Tuition: $95
1st annual “BRING A FRIEND TO THE STUDIO!”
(or even a partner, co-worker or teenage kid)
Wed. July 15, 6:00-8:30pm
Tuition: $26 for one/ $42 for you & a friend
ART THERAPY: the transformative power of art
A day-long workshop (with potluck lunch)
Sun. July 26, 10:00am - 4:00pm
Tuition: $85 ($5 materials fee)
__________________________________________________
Contact Laura for more information about workshops and to register.
Space is limited - early registration suggested.
Arts & Industry Bldg. in Florence, MA
Lauraseftel@verizon.net 413-586-7710

Legislation

2009-03-31T16:36:00.000-07:00

This is the Stillbirth-SUID bill that is going to be introduced in Congress.

The Stillbirth and SUID Prevention, Education, and Awareness Act would improve the collection of critical data to determine the causes of stillbirth and Sudden Unexpected Infant Death (SUID), increase education and awareness about how to prevent these tragedies in the future, and expand support services for families who have experienced a stillbirth or SUID loss.

Every year, there are more than 25,000 stillbirths in the United States. Many of these deaths are the result birth defects, infections, umbilical cord problems, and chronic conditions of the mother. However, there is no known cause for as many as half of all stillbirths, leaving many parents without answers to the reasons for these deaths. This bill would expand current activities related to stillbirth and increase education and awareness among health care providers and families. Specifically, it would:

· Expand current data collection activities to additional states to identify the causes of stillbirth and ways to prevent it in the future.
· Create a public awareness and education campaign to educate women about the risk factors for still birth and the importance of prenatal care.
· Expand support services, such as grief counseling, for families who have experienced a stillbirth loss.
In addition, there are more than 4,600 sudden unexpected infant deaths each year and another 200 children between the ages 1 and 4 die without any obvious cause for their death. Many such tragedies could be prevented if there were a better understanding of the reasons why these infants and children died. The Act encourages states to complete scene investigations to better understand why these children died and establishes a national database to track these deaths and identify risk factors to prevent them in the future. Specifically, it would:

· Encourage states to complete scene investigations and autopsies to help determine causes of death and collect uniform data.
· Provide funding to train state and local personnel on completing scene investigations.
· Expand successful child death review programs to review the circumstances surrounding infant’s and children’s deaths in their community.
· Establish a national database to track these deaths and identify risk factors to prevent them in the future.
· Create a national public awareness and education campaign to educate parents and caregivers about known risk factors.
· Expand support services, such as grief counseling, for families who have experienced the loss of a child.

Senator Lautenberg (D-NJ) will be introducing the Stillbirth and SUID Prevention, Education, and Awareness Act in the coming weeks. If you would like more information on the bill, please contact Apryl Clark at 224-3224.

2009-01-22T17:09:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone--
Check out this new literary magazine online
www.exhalezine.com
It's for baby loss and also for infertility, and has some great articles (and even some super black humor!)
Hope to see you next week...

A few articles

2008-11-20T13:26:00.001-08:00

This is an article link that Danielle sent me. An example of what one can do with one's story.

http://www.canadianliving.com/health/mind_and_spirit/personal_essay_in_the_stillness_of_my_heart.php

While I'm at it, I might as well confess that I also had an article published two years ago in Mothering Magazine. Here it is--

http://www.mothering.com/articles/body_soul/grief_trauma/charlottes-grace.html

ALSO--
This is a very touching (it will make you cry) thing off of MSNBC on NILMDTS
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22425001/vp/23481435#23481435

Bereaved Parent's Wish List

2008-11-13T16:13:00.000-08:00

Bereaved Parents Wish List

1. I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had her back.

2. I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child was, and is, very important to me. I need to hear that she was important to you also.

3. If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.

4. I wish you wouldn't "kill" my child again by removing her pictures or other remembrances from your home. Please help keep her memory alive.

5. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.

6. I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but, I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child, my favorite topic of the day.

7. I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my child's death pains you, too. I wish you would let me know those things through a phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug.

8. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months or even a year. These first months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die.

9. I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child, and I will always grieve that she is dead.

10. I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy." Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate yourself.11. I don't want to have a "pity party," but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.

12. I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.

13. When I say "I'm doing okay," I wish you could understand that I don't "feel" okay and that I struggle daily.

14. I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.

15. Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent advice. However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.

16. Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly not my intent. Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.

17. I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died with her. I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I will never be that person again.

18. I wish very much that you could understand; understand my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. BUT I pray daily that you will never understand.

(Author Unknown)

The Thing Is

2008-11-03T16:51:00.001-08:00

The Thing Is

To love life, to love it even
When you have no stomach for it
And everything you’ve held dear
Crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
Your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief wrists with you, its tropical heat
Thickening the air, heavy as water
More fit for gills than lungs’
When grief weights you like your own flesh
Only more of it, an obesity of grief,
You think, how can a body withstand this?Then you hold life like a face
Between your palms, a plain face,
No charming smile, no violet eyes,
And you say , yes, I will take you,
I will love you again.

This is such beauty, crafted by Ellen Bass, and it always brings to me a surge of energy, validating all that I have been through.

Directions to our Room

2008-11-03T16:47:00.000-08:00

The Hospital is located at 30 Locust St, Northampton Massachusetts.

Conference Room D: To get to this room, go in the main entrance with the revolving door, down the big hall and to the right of the big stairs. Follow the hall back, and follow signs to the cafeteria or cafe. You will start to actually enter the cafeteria and will see Conference Room D on the left

EMPTY ARMS WESTERN MASSACHUSETTS

2008-11-03T16:15:00.000-08:00

Welcome to this new site, created for the members and potential members of our Empty Arms Group which is run out of Northampton, Massachusetts. I am the director of the group, having founded it eighteen months ago, and it has always been my ambition to have some kind of internet site to accompany the group. Time has been my enemy in creating this, but hopefully once I have an address and site I will pick away at adding books, online resources, and links to great writing. I also hope to use this site as a way to keep people informed of group events, to share photographs of those events, and to always have a way to find directions to our conference rooms at CDH and the date and time of the next meeting. So... off to work on the sidebars!